"You don't sit around and read and discuss literature all the time when you work in a bookshop. You do tell customers where the latest Mitch Albom book is a million times a day. You learn to identify bestsellers by cover color. People insist they have just seen a certain book in paperback at another shop and your explanation that the book has only been out in hardcover for a month and will likely be in paper within a year is listened to with disbelief and an insulting air indicating you are a moron AND a liar. You listen to people tell you they could get every title in your shop more cheaply at Sam's Club. You learn the inner significance of the deep philosophy in science fiction and fantasy titles. You get lectures about why a certain author is or is not fantasy or science fiction and how only feeble minded idiots would mis-shelve them as dismally as you and your colleagues have. You sometimes get to hand-sell a book you believe in to a person who might actually enjoy it. You watch terrific books languish on the shelves and eventually get sent back to the publisher while Nicholas Sparks titles must be reordered bimonthly. You become expert at finding the most popular TV talk and news show sites on the web instantly because customers want "this book they were talking about on the Today Show, it was written by a general? Someone in the military anyway." You become accustomed to being called a liar when you tell someone a certain book is out of print. "It can't be out of print, (you are informed.) It was only published 5 years ago!" You learn every single day that (1) Amazon has it cheaper and (2) Amazon doesn't charge sales tax. "
Substitute "Mitch Albom book" for "The Hunger Games" and you have my life, ladies and gentlemen.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
April 2012 Book List
Current:
The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner's Dilemma (Book 3 Mysterious Benedict Society Series)
Changeless (Book 2 Parasol Protectorate Series "Soulless")
Then Again (Diane Keaton's autobiography)
What's Next:
The Weird Sisters
The Help
Everything is Illuminated
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Cinder
Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless (Books 3, 4 and 5 in Parasol Protectorate Series)
Bossypants (Tina Fey's autobiography)
Hunger Games Trilogy (I guess...maybe)
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (plus Girl who kicked the hornet's nest and Girl who played with fire)
The Poisonwood Bible
Hugo
...to be updated upon further research...
The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner's Dilemma (Book 3 Mysterious Benedict Society Series)
Changeless (Book 2 Parasol Protectorate Series "Soulless")
Then Again (Diane Keaton's autobiography)
What's Next:
The Weird Sisters
The Help
Everything is Illuminated
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
Cinder
Blameless, Heartless, and Timeless (Books 3, 4 and 5 in Parasol Protectorate Series)
Bossypants (Tina Fey's autobiography)
Hunger Games Trilogy (I guess...maybe)
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (plus Girl who kicked the hornet's nest and Girl who played with fire)
The Poisonwood Bible
Hugo
...to be updated upon further research...
Seasons changing.
I logged on to facebook today, as does everyone in the world, and noticed various albums that had been uploaded by various friends and acquaintances from Hampshire, all entitled "Easter Keg Hunt 2012."
Easter Keg Hunt is a Hampshire tradition where everyone (well, anyone who wants to...) wakes up at the crack of crack on Easter morning to venture into the woods surrounding the school and look for/dig up kegs that have been buried by upperclassmen. Then they proceed to tap the keg and drink beer until the dining hall opens for brunch.
THE most stupid idea I've ever heard of, but I clearly never participated, and now not so sadly I'll never get the chance.
In any case, that doesn't make me miss school or Hampshire.
But living with family, no matter how wonderful of a family they might be comparatively, and feeling this perpetual "stuckness" day in, and day out...does not make me feel so great about leaving school. I know I am most likely much happier...having removed myself from an environment that was not supportive or stress-free in any way...but nevertheless, I can't seem to say that I really feel the happiest here, where I am at right now.
But this is why I am writing this down. Because it is at times like these, where I have a huge funk blocking my who emotional state, where I desperately need to sit down and write, and think, and remember what it is I am doing, what I am capable of, and how I can get through whatever it is I need to get through to get to "the other side" so to speak.
Here are my funks;
I desperately miss school. I am sick and tired of anxiously waiting to hear back from schools.
Living at home is NOT working, though I have been trying very hard to put on my happy face and manage as much as I can.
I feel lonely, save for a few saving graces who have been there for rants over coffee.
I miss Scott. And I am really really tired of missing Scott.
Frankly, I am tired of waiting to get back to my life.
And here are the reasons why everything is not-that-bad and how everything will get better;
I *SHOULD* theoretically hear back from all schools within the next three weeks. At least the ones that matter.
I AM trying pretty hard to manage living at home, which involves not being at home most of the time, and realizing that my sister is my sister and will always be the way she is. I can survive for another four months. I think.
Although I do often feel lonely, I still manage to find time to talk to old friends, I have new friends from work that I see often, and as soon as I go back to school, I shall *hopefully* find even newer ones.
I miss Scott. That never changes. But he needs to focus, I will see him in less than two weeks, and then we've got about a month and a half to go before he graduates.
Life is going to happen. And I will write a book list after this so that I can get through as many books as I can before the deadline to begin my next chapter happens.
I've been a crankypants pain in the bum to many, no more than I have been to myself, but now I am in the homestretch. I do think it is important to figure out ways to release yourself, whether it is stress or little recurrent frustrations, or just some bursts of creative/productive energy. And being the crazy person that I am, I think I need to start making lists and countdown days, and activities for myself that will keep my craziness in check.
Spring is here. Time to fight the allergies, read a lot, and get through the next few months.
Everything should be a breeze... *crosses fingers*
Easter Keg Hunt is a Hampshire tradition where everyone (well, anyone who wants to...) wakes up at the crack of crack on Easter morning to venture into the woods surrounding the school and look for/dig up kegs that have been buried by upperclassmen. Then they proceed to tap the keg and drink beer until the dining hall opens for brunch.
THE most stupid idea I've ever heard of, but I clearly never participated, and now not so sadly I'll never get the chance.
In any case, that doesn't make me miss school or Hampshire.
But living with family, no matter how wonderful of a family they might be comparatively, and feeling this perpetual "stuckness" day in, and day out...does not make me feel so great about leaving school. I know I am most likely much happier...having removed myself from an environment that was not supportive or stress-free in any way...but nevertheless, I can't seem to say that I really feel the happiest here, where I am at right now.
But this is why I am writing this down. Because it is at times like these, where I have a huge funk blocking my who emotional state, where I desperately need to sit down and write, and think, and remember what it is I am doing, what I am capable of, and how I can get through whatever it is I need to get through to get to "the other side" so to speak.
Here are my funks;
I desperately miss school. I am sick and tired of anxiously waiting to hear back from schools.
Living at home is NOT working, though I have been trying very hard to put on my happy face and manage as much as I can.
I feel lonely, save for a few saving graces who have been there for rants over coffee.
I miss Scott. And I am really really tired of missing Scott.
Frankly, I am tired of waiting to get back to my life.
And here are the reasons why everything is not-that-bad and how everything will get better;
I *SHOULD* theoretically hear back from all schools within the next three weeks. At least the ones that matter.
I AM trying pretty hard to manage living at home, which involves not being at home most of the time, and realizing that my sister is my sister and will always be the way she is. I can survive for another four months. I think.
Although I do often feel lonely, I still manage to find time to talk to old friends, I have new friends from work that I see often, and as soon as I go back to school, I shall *hopefully* find even newer ones.
I miss Scott. That never changes. But he needs to focus, I will see him in less than two weeks, and then we've got about a month and a half to go before he graduates.
Life is going to happen. And I will write a book list after this so that I can get through as many books as I can before the deadline to begin my next chapter happens.
I've been a crankypants pain in the bum to many, no more than I have been to myself, but now I am in the homestretch. I do think it is important to figure out ways to release yourself, whether it is stress or little recurrent frustrations, or just some bursts of creative/productive energy. And being the crazy person that I am, I think I need to start making lists and countdown days, and activities for myself that will keep my craziness in check.
Spring is here. Time to fight the allergies, read a lot, and get through the next few months.
Everything should be a breeze... *crosses fingers*
Monday, January 23, 2012
One Inevitable Anxiety of Life
I'm sitting at work, and have been thinking about this subject for awhile, but what better environment to reflect?
I see a lot of parents come through the store with their kiddo(s)...sometimes one, sometimes four...and some days I smile at the soft, calm blue-eyed babies, and other days I politely ignore the yelling between parent and child.
Last night (and in the past few days) I've noticed my parents have talked of or have shown me their own ways of parenting and just living with families in general. Having had a few problems with siblings, I was forced to ask my mother to come and parent her two adult daughters because we just couldn't (and can't seem to...) "get along", especially with the added stress of sharing a room.
And then seeing Zofia as the only real "kid" in the house...some days she's a typical five year old sister, rambunctious but creative, other days I find myself doing a bit of my own parenting. Specifically when it comes to manners. Poor kid...she has three siblings but five parents.
So this gets me thinking about my own future parenting. And this may shock people, that I of all people would ever think about producing offspring...including my own mother who thought it was rather endearing while also slightly off-putting when I told her I didn't understand why people would wait only a year or two after giving birth to have another one. "My kid has gotta be able to wipe his own arse before I have another one!" Direct quote.
Can't I think about what I would do if I were to become a parent without people getting all excited or weirded out that Heather is even considering having children?? Sheesh...
Perhaps being in a serious (now 1-plus year) relationship makes me become all mushy, and my maternal clock has started tick---- wait! Nope. That's definitely not it. IF and WHEN children ever came into the picture, I can reevaluate some of my own parenting experiences and/or upbringing. And I can tell you right now, I want a life before children. And then I can consider a wonderful life WITH them. Perhaps? Who knows? Let's not plan too far ahead.
Scott and I can't even plan as far ahead as where we'll both be in the Fall...finishing undergrad and starting dental school.
But I digress.
The point is, everyone has their own ideas about what makes a decent parent. And having experienced several different versions of parenting (mother and father, single mother, mother and stepfather, father and stepmother...), and coming to an age where your parents' many and human flaws are exposed, I can tell you this much.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, knows what they're doing.
Great way to not terrify yourself, Heather. Way to go!
I see a lot of parents come through the store with their kiddo(s)...sometimes one, sometimes four...and some days I smile at the soft, calm blue-eyed babies, and other days I politely ignore the yelling between parent and child.
Last night (and in the past few days) I've noticed my parents have talked of or have shown me their own ways of parenting and just living with families in general. Having had a few problems with siblings, I was forced to ask my mother to come and parent her two adult daughters because we just couldn't (and can't seem to...) "get along", especially with the added stress of sharing a room.
And then seeing Zofia as the only real "kid" in the house...some days she's a typical five year old sister, rambunctious but creative, other days I find myself doing a bit of my own parenting. Specifically when it comes to manners. Poor kid...she has three siblings but five parents.
So this gets me thinking about my own future parenting. And this may shock people, that I of all people would ever think about producing offspring...including my own mother who thought it was rather endearing while also slightly off-putting when I told her I didn't understand why people would wait only a year or two after giving birth to have another one. "My kid has gotta be able to wipe his own arse before I have another one!" Direct quote.
Can't I think about what I would do if I were to become a parent without people getting all excited or weirded out that Heather is even considering having children?? Sheesh...
Perhaps being in a serious (now 1-plus year) relationship makes me become all mushy, and my maternal clock has started tick---- wait! Nope. That's definitely not it. IF and WHEN children ever came into the picture, I can reevaluate some of my own parenting experiences and/or upbringing. And I can tell you right now, I want a life before children. And then I can consider a wonderful life WITH them. Perhaps? Who knows? Let's not plan too far ahead.
Scott and I can't even plan as far ahead as where we'll both be in the Fall...finishing undergrad and starting dental school.
But I digress.
The point is, everyone has their own ideas about what makes a decent parent. And having experienced several different versions of parenting (mother and father, single mother, mother and stepfather, father and stepmother...), and coming to an age where your parents' many and human flaws are exposed, I can tell you this much.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, knows what they're doing.
Great way to not terrify yourself, Heather. Way to go!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Cosmic karma. Lessons learned.
[Is my title redundant? Hmm.]
I am not what one might call a "religious" person. I do, however, consider myself rather spiritual. Occasionally (or not so occasionally) my particular "spirituality" may result from excess of anxiety, but oh well. That's life. That's me.
In any case, although many who spout the words "everything happens for a reason" are usually referring to some sort of divine power whose "plan" is conducting all of us against our will, I do actually believe everything happens for some reason or another. Let me explain.
Tonight, I was planning on going to a dance performance mostly because little Zofia was talked into being in it for the teacher's sake, and there's a lot of drama I don't need to go into and yadda yadda yadda. I was going to go with an old friend to see some other old friends dance. Scott went to visit buddies for the night, it was just going to be the girls watching dancers and reminiscing.
Well Zofia got sick. Hannah couldn't make it in time. Seemed like it wasn't meant to be.
So now, feeling rather saddened and bored, all dressed up with nowhere to go, I tried to contact friends, especially those who have complained about girls with boyfriends never hanging out with their friends. (Blah blah.) One had plans with her boyfriend, one was babysitting and the other never responded.
So as usual I felt sorry for myself for all of about 5 minutes, pacing and pouting and looking at my phone wondering what shenanigans my boy was up to...and then I realized how wonderful it was going to be to have the following;
1. a night of my own. (My sister was heading off to her boyfriend's for the weekend, thus leaving me with my own empty, pigsty of a room)
2. I have a book and a half to finish in order to discuss with my co-worker in our mini-bookclub. Who doesn't love a night of cozy reading!? (Note to self: post "date girls who read" article. Fabulous stuff)
3. Catch up on cards, gift planning, lists, schedules...all of the anal-retentive, OCD, anxiety driven stuff that Heathers actually enjoy in order to feel better about crazyhecticlife.
So there. Instead of complaining silently about being confined to a night in my house with my buggy family on a Friday night with no friend time or boyfriend time, I realized that all of those plans weren't meant to be. The cosmos were telling me to calm down, sit down, relax, and have a "me" night. Instead of always trying to keep myself busy and functioning, why not have a moment of nothing but clarity?
Tonight's plan wasn't meant to be. And I will have a much better night because of it. Thank you, fate.
I am not what one might call a "religious" person. I do, however, consider myself rather spiritual. Occasionally (or not so occasionally) my particular "spirituality" may result from excess of anxiety, but oh well. That's life. That's me.
In any case, although many who spout the words "everything happens for a reason" are usually referring to some sort of divine power whose "plan" is conducting all of us against our will, I do actually believe everything happens for some reason or another. Let me explain.
Tonight, I was planning on going to a dance performance mostly because little Zofia was talked into being in it for the teacher's sake, and there's a lot of drama I don't need to go into and yadda yadda yadda. I was going to go with an old friend to see some other old friends dance. Scott went to visit buddies for the night, it was just going to be the girls watching dancers and reminiscing.
Well Zofia got sick. Hannah couldn't make it in time. Seemed like it wasn't meant to be.
So now, feeling rather saddened and bored, all dressed up with nowhere to go, I tried to contact friends, especially those who have complained about girls with boyfriends never hanging out with their friends. (Blah blah.) One had plans with her boyfriend, one was babysitting and the other never responded.
So as usual I felt sorry for myself for all of about 5 minutes, pacing and pouting and looking at my phone wondering what shenanigans my boy was up to...and then I realized how wonderful it was going to be to have the following;
1. a night of my own. (My sister was heading off to her boyfriend's for the weekend, thus leaving me with my own empty, pigsty of a room)
2. I have a book and a half to finish in order to discuss with my co-worker in our mini-bookclub. Who doesn't love a night of cozy reading!? (Note to self: post "date girls who read" article. Fabulous stuff)
3. Catch up on cards, gift planning, lists, schedules...all of the anal-retentive, OCD, anxiety driven stuff that Heathers actually enjoy in order to feel better about crazyhecticlife.
So there. Instead of complaining silently about being confined to a night in my house with my buggy family on a Friday night with no friend time or boyfriend time, I realized that all of those plans weren't meant to be. The cosmos were telling me to calm down, sit down, relax, and have a "me" night. Instead of always trying to keep myself busy and functioning, why not have a moment of nothing but clarity?
Tonight's plan wasn't meant to be. And I will have a much better night because of it. Thank you, fate.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Bittersweet Happenings.
Just a few things. To help remind future self or inquiring minds.
Number one. Black Friday is stupid.
Number two. Never work retail unless you're home for a year from college trying to make some money and then NEVER DO IT AGAIN. Stay in school kids.
Number three. Don't stay out late with your boyfriend and his family the night before working Black Friday the next morning.
Number four. Try to remember in times of stress that, all in all, the things you do are most likely going to lead you towards a fairly happy and fulfilling life. Try not to get wrapped up in the little things.
And finally, Number five. Kittens are nature's way of making you stop freaking out so you can pause and say "D'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
Moral of this story is...Kittens make everything better.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
In a Funk.
Emotions and hormones are odd things. Truly. One can be in a fabulous mood, an hour later be indifferent and zoning out, and ten minutes after be sad and antsy and depressed. Odd, no?
I find that if I keep myself fairly busy, like writing or watching something, or going to work a lot, I don't have enough time to worry. (My anxiety likes to win over my rationality most of the time.)
I just wonder how a lot of the time how I should deal with these escalating and dropping of emotions.
I miss you.
I'm busy.
I'm tired.
I'm motivated.
I miss you.
I'm lonely.
I'm planning.
I'm busy again.
I'm super busy.
I'm tired.
I'm super tired.
I miss you.
I wonder how much longer I can do this cycle. Can I do it for the next three weeks? Let alone seven months?
One day I shall look back on this period of my life and chuckle, thinking "Wow. Glad I got out of that funk."
I find that if I keep myself fairly busy, like writing or watching something, or going to work a lot, I don't have enough time to worry. (My anxiety likes to win over my rationality most of the time.)
I just wonder how a lot of the time how I should deal with these escalating and dropping of emotions.
I miss you.
I'm busy.
I'm tired.
I'm motivated.
I miss you.
I'm lonely.
I'm planning.
I'm busy again.
I'm super busy.
I'm tired.
I'm super tired.
I miss you.
I wonder how much longer I can do this cycle. Can I do it for the next three weeks? Let alone seven months?
One day I shall look back on this period of my life and chuckle, thinking "Wow. Glad I got out of that funk."
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